It's strange to think that now I would call Fellergut, Bern - Home. Home seems to be a relative thing. When I'm in Switzerland, Australia is home. If I were on the moon, Earth is home. Coming back from Rome I called Fellergut home. It was a strange kind of feeling walking back to the room you can call your own. I had tidied up my room before I left for the trip so I came back to an unusually spotless space just like moving into a new room - but it was comfortable. It was nice to know that in such space I could have my own time once again and I celebrated with dim lights, Nocturne, Morning Image, and a new dress I bought - a solo party.
Prior to my leave, my dorm mate requested if she could borrow my room while I was away since her parents wanted to visit and I agreed to it (hence the clean room). She left me a chocolate bunny when I said yes and I thought that was already so sweet of her to! When I entered my room the above photo was what I found on my table. It was truly a wonderful surprise (how could you not be in the mood for a solo party?) and I couldn't stop grinning for a while. It was really like a welcome home.
It's been two months since I've been here in Bern. It's a strange feeling. It feels like so much has been condensed into a short space of time, like six months have been squished into one. Really, my sense of time has been distorted, I can understand why perceptions of space and time is relative, and not just in the scientific sense. Enough time has passed by, that now there are things to reminisce about. Like in the early days of settling down here: buying my first lot of groceries (below). During that week I also taught one of my Polish friend the word 'groceries'. I've never seen anyone get excited over such word before.
Migros & Denner are probably the equivalent to the woolies and food for less in Australia but pretty much I am living off budget range brands no-frills style. So it's not significantly more expensive here but definitely the rustic bread is cheaper than sandwich bread and the rest you just to have to shop around. There isn't really super cheap fruit or veggies though - it's pretty much like living in Sydney in the city. The top compartment of the fridge is mine, as you can see it was pretty packed.
In those days, this was my ultimate quick fix for lunch or dinner. Bread and some vegan patty with salad. Easy Meal.
I can't remember how but during my trip to Rome during the nights I started to listen to Wild Nothing again and actually listened to the full album Nocturne. Almost every night I stayed up until 5 am, during the quiet hours, when everyone else was fast asleep and I would head my way into my internal world. I immersed myself into the sounds of Wild Nothing. I became nocturne. My sleeping patterns are screwed up to the point of no return - the waking and sleeping hours are long gone lost, I cannot tell the difference between breakfast, lunch and dinner, and get confused between what is today and what is tomorrow. This, I know, will screw up my system and it already has messed up with the way I function in day to day life but there is something about the late night hours I am addicted to. It's not that I'm not tired, nor it is insomnia; it's like some kind of drug. That hour at 4 am, where you no longer know if it is late or early, where the birds starts to sing, where it is neither the end of the day nor the beginning, people are neither here or there, everything feels surreal. Maybe I'm drawn to the grey areas: the moments that are hard to define, the feelings that are not one way or another... I guess I just don't really like having things set in stone, black and white, there's always a space in between and I've always been in that space. In that sense, people may sometimes see me as lost, confused, frazzled, passive, and a push-over perhaps - but it's never as it seems. It's something else. Something I can't really explain.
I never felt that a whole album could define so many feelings I feel so completely. It's not only the melodies that pulled me in but the words. I read in an interview that Jack Tatum, singer and songwriter, never put too much thoughts into the words but rather more into creating 'the mood' of the song, which I think is the magic to his words - they are moulded by a stream of subconscious rather than being something contrived. I like when things come naturally that way - you feel your way through things by the energy and mood around you. There is truly a nocturnal mood throughout the whole album which really brought the night to life for me. I always felt like I could really be sucked into the atmosphere of the night.
